In Praise of Oozers (posted loosely by Jim Jennings)

When I was a younger man—it was late 2012—I posted a piece that describes the two general categories of humanity: Oozers and Schedulers.

The topic arose again recently in the course of a friendly lunch conversation. I was confronted by the question: Given that Schedulers seem to rule the world (After all, they make the rules and fill out the scorecards, don’t they?) how could the Oozers possibly prevail, or even defend themselves? How does one counter the Schedulers’ poetic contention that Oozers are losers? (Note the Schedulers’ unfortunate penchant for trite pseudo-witticisms.)

Well, being at least 51% Oozer myself, I’ll rise for the defense.

I agree that the Schedulers believe that the world is theirs—they do, by definition, make the schedules. They do indeed tally the wins; the profits and losses.

So, what is the case for the Oozer demographic? How could they smack the smug from the faces of those sanctimonious, self-important Schedulers? Well, let’s consider:

[Pause for several slurps of dark roast.]

Number One: Oozers maintain an inner confidence that Schedulers would envy if they recognized it. Perhaps the Schedulers need those fucking schedules as props or crutches. Perhaps they lack the strength to live a life that does not require external supports, such as alarm clocks, spreadsheets and those tiny rectangular eyeglasses that they seem to favor.

Number Two: Oozers live comfortably in the real world. Let’s face it: Reality oozes.There are no schedules in nature; there is only a long, slow progression of events that tend to meld and, well, ooze. Darwinian evolution was the long, slow ooze that produced both Schedulers and Oozers. The Oozers know it.

Number Three: Oozers are funnier and tend to be less obnoxious. The humor that Schedulers create is sparse and unintentional as they frantically patch the dikes that keep reality safely away. Oozes by their nature tend to get along. They are wry, ironic and bemused. They may at times even be Irish.

Whatever number is next: Oozers are flexible, adaptive and tolerant. They understand the temporary nature of…everything. Schedulers are prone to panic when the schedule crumbles; Oozers never paid much attention to the damn schedule anyway.

So, in the very long run, it may well be that the Oozers will prevail. No, not like cockroaches after the nuclear holocaust, but perhaps something like a race of bodhisattvas who pretty much get the Big Picture, and feel no particular urgency about it.

Let the game come to you, Oozers, and not on any preset schedule…

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